"Nothing is about to 'go down'!"

It was great to have a day off this Monday, but it was yet another rough week.  I will just tell you how my Friday ended and hope that gives you an adequate picture of the impulsiveness of my students.

My neighboring teacher who switches classes with me had to leave school about 20 minutes early, but this was not going to be any problem because our classes would be at recess at the end of the day.  We both led our classes outside to the very large playground area, and she assured me that the other teachers should be coming out with their classes as well to help me monitor the kids.  During our very limited time at recess, students came up to me with reports of two of my girls fighting.  I went to talk to both of them, doing my best to avoid the audience of about 20 very curious 4th graders.  Sadly enough, neither of the girls are very trustworthy and had very different accounts of what had happened.

It was soon time to go inside, and that is when I realized that no other 4th grade teachers had come to recess.  This left me with the task of lining up 50 4th graders to re-enter the building quietly and head to two different places for dismissal.  Once I could see one line of students heading the right direction towards some other teachers, I walked with the other stream of students down a different hallway.  6th grade was walking past us down where our two hallways met.  As I got closer, I realized that one of the 6th grade girls had just been informed that her younger sister had been crying on the playground.  She was getting heated saying, "Oh no! Oh no! Oh NO!!"  I was sure she knew exactly who the other girl was, as that girl had just turned with a wildly fearful look on her face.  The 6th grader started to wag her finger in the air and move her head back and forth with extreme attitude while announcing, "It's about to go down!"

At this moment there were too many kiddos clumped in the hallway, seemingly drawn in by the excitement.  I happened to be the only teacher within view and was just so sick of hearing kids throwing threats around.  I put my own finger up in a scolding manner and said very sternly and loudly above the commotion, "Nothing is about to 'go down'!  You 6th graders go that way, us 4th graders are going this way - let's move."

It scares me how often problems like these arise, and I do my best to play peacemaker.  The good news is, my students are choosing to come to me quietly to report incidents rather than loudly accusing people across the room, which is what they used to do.  I am definitely anxious to see the progress we are hopefully to make by the end of the year!  May God infiltrate His presence in my classroom - we need Him so badly!

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

I contributed all three of these liquids this past week, already pouring what feels like everything I have into my job.  The temperature in my classroom is way too warm and musty, making for uncomfortable afternoons and poor, complaining, melting students.  Throughout the week there have probably been about 90 sheets of paper used by students to create makeshift fans and I, myself, have walked around the room fanning them with papers while I read to them.  We've been doing our best to sweat it out and ignore the irony of it actually being cold outside.

On Tuesday I discovered one of my fingers was all bloody and I had no idea where the cut came from nor time to properly take care of it.  I actually used it to my benefit when a student later asked to go to the nurse showing me a tiny scratch next to his fingernail.  I held up my finger that still had evidence of blood all around the nail and said, "Oh c'mon Danny, if I'm going to be ok, I think you'll be ok."  His eyes got big and we both half laughed as he sat back down knowing he wasn't about to get out of the classroom.

And there were definitely a couple different nights when I let the emotional part of the job weigh on me and resorted myself to crying.  I realized more this week as I get to know the students better how my heart breaks for them and their various situations.  These 9-year-olds, for one thing, are exposed to way too many worldly things.  That much is obvious in their words and actions.  It makes me hate the media and the ease of access to inappropriate content.  Someone needs to shield these babies!

Of course, I am not the only crier.  I'm not sure if I can count how many different students I have seen shed some tears...I am doing what I can to discourage mean behavior!  Oddly enough I have witnessed more boys crying than girls, but that might have something to do with the fact that they have been getting into more trouble.  Nothing makes a student cry like a trip to the office and a phone call to the parents.

Yes, this has been a rough week and I have a rough group of kids who, sadly, are not so easy to trust.  The one encouraging aspect of the whole situation is that I find I can truly love my students in spite of anything they say or do.  It's a confirmation that I am in the right field and can hold the right amount of patience and grace for these kiddos.  In the end, they all just need somebody to love them.

Placed Here

It is an unbelievable reality that I have already begun my career.  I spent years dreaming of this day and lots of money and sleepless nights studying and waiting to get here, but I still can't believe it has officially begun!  Less than a month ago I graduated from Dallas Baptist University with the HUGE blessing of already having a job secured for my future.  There was no more stressing about where I would end up...God had been so good!

So here I am at a charter school in Oak Cliff teaching 4th grade.  I was actually originally hired as a 2nd grade teacher, but my position changed the first day I came to the school to meet my class.  All I can say is that it is nothing like I expected.  For example, I did not expect the tiny size of the room, the grand number of 26 students in my homeroom, or even the fact that I would be teaching 4th grade.  There are many challenges that face me - a big one just being that I am taking on a new class in the middle of the year with almost no time to prepare.  However, I know that I am placed here for a reason.

I remember the prayers and the events that fell into place as I received this job offer.  I remember the sheer joy I felt when I first got the call informing me that I got the job!  And most importantly, I remember the reason I even wanted to teach in the first place: to help mold and foster the growth of young children's lives.  It's all about the kids, and this job is my ministry.  Seven days into the year of teaching and I am already falling in love with my 49 students.  It breaks my heart how rough some of them can be, but they are kids and very impressionable.  I want them to know how I love them and to be a light in their lives.

I am reminded of that song "Carry Your Candle" and the message makes me want to cry.

There is a candle in every soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold
There is a Spirit who brings fire
Ignites a candle and makes His home

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world



While this may be the most difficult semester I have ever had to face, I am hopeful and anxious to see what happens.  The most important thing is to rely on Him and seek His will in all of this.  He placed me here for a reason, and I intend to make it count.